30 Ways to Kill Your Youth Ministry (for Senior Pastors)

1. Assume that the youth ministry is not your responsibility.
2. Assume you know all problems of your youth without taking the time of surveying them.
3. Never attempt to become a role model.
4. Preach messages irrelevant to youth.
5. Do not attend youth services and activities.
6. Give up on the youth in your congregation.
7. Never plan and work toward hiring a youth pastor.
8. Do not authorize your youth pastor with full responsibility for the youth ministry.
9. Appoint a person to communicate between you and your youth pastor.
10. Allow the influence of church members’ opinions and wishes over the vision for the youth ministry.
11. Allow people distanced from youth problems to take leading positions and/or decisions concerning the youth ministry.
12. Do not include the youth ministry in your annual church budget.
13. Deny the involvement of parents in youth work.
14. Do not allow youth representation in the decisions concerning the future of the youth ministry.
15. Blame or allow the youth to be blamed for problems beyond their control and comprehensions.
16. Never deal with change.
17. Use youth ministry techniques older then 2½ years.
18. Do not provide enough room for growth.
19. Underestimate the influence of drugs, alcohol, premarital sex and peer pressure.
20. Ignore the topic of sex.
21. Ignore technology as a ministry tool.
22. Restrict youth ministries to church activities alone ignoring fun and playing as a ministry tool.
23. Never allow youth to participate in spiritual and ministry activities like prayer, fasting and preaching.
24. Limit your youth ministry only to activities organized by your church/denomination.
25. Do not expect the youth ministry to grow beyond the limitations of your personal agenda or limitations.
26. Do not expect the youth ministry to grow beyond the limitations of your congregation.
27. Do not provide age transition mechanisms for youth to enter and exit the youth ministry.
28. Do not treat youth as if they were to remain in church for the rest of their earthly lives.
29. Do not treat youth ministry as the most important ministry of your church.
30. Refuse to be a pastor of youth.

Child Interaction Observation

by Kathryn N. Donev

I have always found it intriguing to stand back and observe human interactions. For me personally, the most fascinating type of human interaction is the manner in which a child interacts with his or her environment. I continue to be amazed at all that can be learned through simple observation. Dibs in Virginia Axline’s book, Dibs in Search of Self, said it best when he stated that by hanging “around out of the way on the edge of things close enough to watch … and hear … you can learn lots of interesting things that way”.

There are many adjectives which can be used to describe a child; some positive and others negative; some universal, yet many are unique to each child. Children are diverse yet at the same time are similar in many ways. In my observations I have found that children are impressionable, innocent, resilient, loveable, creative, curious, spontaneous, attention seeking and above all are gifts from God which are to be cherished.

According to Albert Bandura’s social learning model, we know that we learn through observation. I have found that this is especially important to have in mind when working with children and I am reminded on every occasion when I am around children. Children are impressionable and emulate what they observe. I have discovered that a child learns many different behaviors by observing others; they model actions, words, behaviors and mannerisms. I have seen this demonstrated in games such as “Follow The Leader” and “Simon Says” or when children play activities such as house or school. I have noticed that some children will imitate behaviors and directly experience the consequences yet others will wait and vicariously experience the consequences of a behavior. However, whether directly or indirectly, it is my opinion, modeling is a way a child attempts to explore.

I have found that children are very curious of their surroundings and are in a constant quest for knowledge. I have noticed that it appears that this quest is intrinsic due to the fact that a child will explore even when there is no reward given in return. However, I have also noticed that this seems to change with age. In attempts to explore, children might do so through modeling, observing, playing or by asking “why” and “what” questions. On a more personal note, it is my opinion that a child should be encouraged to ask questions and be curious. I am persuaded that if such curiosity is ignored or not viewed as important then a child will begin to lose his or her inner child or exploratory nature of intrinsic motivation and begin to avoid asking questions and lose interest in novelty and take life for granted.

I have observed that children have this innocence about them which makes them appear to be oblivious and without fear. When I use the expression that children are innocent, I mean that they have not yet been flooded with the concerns which adults have. Children are not yet skeptical of circumstances, perhaps due to the fact they have not been given any reason for distrust.

I have also observed many ways in which children are resilient. I have noticed that there appears to be a difference in the physical aspects of the resilience of boys and girls. This perhaps is because of what they had been modeled or taught. For instance, on one occasion, I observed a boy playing on the playground when he bumped heads with another boy. The boy stopped, clinched his fist, made a grunt, and went back to playing. On this same occasion, when I noticed a girl fall on the playground, she began to cry but quickly went back to playing. However, when it comes to emotional aspects of resilience when overcoming verbal abuses, such as name calling, I have noticed that the reaction appears to be consistent across gender. Overall, both boys and girls bounced back from both pain and words and appeared to quickly forget the wrong that had been done.

I have learned that every child is unique in his or her own special way. Therefore, what has influenced me the most is the realization that there is no formula for working with children. However, I do feel there are some absolutes when working with them. In my observations, I have noticed how children desperately long for attention, whether positive or negative. I feel that children need to be given attention and they must know that one truly cares. Children need to be loved and this can be accomplished by spending time with each child. They need to have someone who will take time to answer questions such as “Why is the sky is blue?” or “Why is the earth round?” Each child needs to be allowed the freedom to explore but also needs to be guided in the right direction and with the proper role model in which to emulate this can be accomplished.

As parents, teachers and childcare workers, we owe it to ourselves and each precious child, who is truly a gift from God, to be the best role model that we can possibly be. Each child must be encouraged to be the most that he or she can be and given direction by our examples and through our guidance. This is appropriately stated in Proverbs 22:6, which states, train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. From these observations I realize that as an adult I have a great responsibility not only when working with children but also anytime I come in contact with any child.

20 Ways to Kill Your Church (for Senior Pastors)

1. Abstain from providing a clear vision and strategy fulfilling the mission of the church.
2. Stop encouraging, modeling and promoting prayer, fasting and giving among your congregation.
3. Do not allow different church ministries to participate in the budget formation and benefit from it.
4. Ignore or get rid of your problems and conflict situations instead of solving them by taking a conscious stand on the issue.
5. Keep communication and relationships to the minimum.
6. Provide minimum attention to your family.
7. Quench the Spirit.
8. Assume that people are not intelligent enough to mind manipulation.
9. Do not invest time, efforts and resources in the future growth of the church.
10. Get your church into the maximum possible debt.
11. Pay no attention to the cultural diversity and socio-economical developments in your community.
12. Do not designate any authority to others.
13. Use people without liberating them for spiritual growth.
14. Quit being yourself.
15. Take advice from no one.
16. Be political through manipulation and deceit.
17. Burn out people without any plans for restoration.
18. Never get personal or show your humanity with your people.
19. Allow no room for supernatural intervention.
20. Assume zero responsibility for your actions and decisions.

Reflection: Dibs in Search of Self (Virginia M. Axline)

by Kathryn Donev

According to the New International Version of the Bible, Psalms 127:3 states, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.” A child is a precious gift directly from God and therefore should be greatly appreciated, cared for and helped in all ways possible. My philosophy on how to best help a child is as simple as remembering your “ABC’s”: “Admit”, “Believe” and “Care”.

1) Admit: a child is a real person with real problems and needs one on whom to depend.

In experiencing everyday life one needs to admit the reality that is at hand. By this I mean, be aware that we do not live in a make-believe fairytale that can be scripted to our liking. When considering the life of a child, facing reality is crucial. First, one must admit that a child does not have a choice of whether or not to enter the world or to whom or where to be born. Yet the fact remains that the birth of a child is a real occurrence. Be reminded that existence is not the fault of a child and blame of being born should not be placed upon a child. Beyond the fairytale, in the real world, a child will have real problems and these need real solutions. This brings me to my second point of admitting that a child can and will have problems. Never underestimate what a child is going through by considering it insignificant. To a child, even what may appear to be the smallest dilemma can be disturbing. Third, admit that, wanted or unwanted, pleasant or unpleasant, since a child is a real person with real problems he or she needs to have an individual upon whom to depend; a person to whom problems can be brought. A child needs this stability in order to have a feeling of security. Remember that you can be that special someone who can make a difference in the life of a child simply by being available; physically, as well as emotionally.

2) Believe: in a child and support him or her no matter how many imperfections are present.

When a person has someone to believe in him or her, this provides to that individual what I like to call a “reach the sky” potential. A feeling of self-worth is instilled within those who are believed in and supported. Therefore, it is important to believe in a child, whatever his or her potential may be. Believing must also involve acceptance. One must accept a child as a unique individual who is human. Being human involves imperfections and when evaluating a child we should not expect perfection. When dealing with a child, allow for failure with acceptance. This acceptance of imperfections needs to be followed by approval. Not approval of failing, but approval of the child. Accept the total child with flaws and all. Let the child know that even when failure comes about he or she is still supported and loved. Believe in a child even in the midst of failure. One must believe in a child’s capabilities and support his or her actions and decisions but this should be done with the child’s best interest at heart.

3) Care: for a child with genuine affection.

Finally, to best help a child, show genuine concern and affection. Show a child that you really care. As humans, we are emotional beings and each of us has a need for affection. According to Maslow, affection is the third level in his hierarchy of needs. The first level in Maslow’s hierarchy is physiological needs and the second is the need for safety. Although it is third on the list, I would argue that it is of no lesser value than the need for one’s physiological or safety needs to be met. The need for affection must be satisfied for an individual to feel content with him or herself and eventually in the words of Maslow to become “self-actualized”. It is in my opinion that the need for affection is one of humanities most important needs. It is very important in the early development of a child’s life that affection is given. Without this, development is hindered. If one does not receive affections from others as a child then that individual will not properly know how to give or receive affection. With affection, comes the sense of purpose. Without affection, the opposite is true, and this will result in the search for belongingness. The manner in which a child can be told that he or she is cared for can be done in many more ways than just words. Words must be followed by actions. Listening, being available, and paying attention to a child are all ways of saying “I care”.

So, in my opinion, ways to best help a child are among the simplest. I feel it is important to take preventative measure that aim to protect a child and allow that child to have the emotional strength to function. If we instill within a child positive investments, which are, found with in the “ABC’s” discussed above, as the child becomes an adult he or she can use these qualities to counterweigh the negative aspects that unfortunately exist.
Unfortunately, we cannot completely protect a child, and he or she will encounter hardships and emotional distress which can result in hurt and internal disruption. When this occurs, I feel that the manner in which to best produce positive change in a hurting or disturbed child would include the following three advices:
1) Allow a child to play.
2) Allow for a safe environment.
3) Allow a child to be him or herself.
Bill Geiss once said, “The sound of children at play is the closest thing to God’s own voice we shall ever hear.” A child’s natural expression and manner of communication is through play. A child uses play as a way to sort out problems. Due to the fact that play is what comes naturally to a child I feel that by simply allowing a child to play would be the most effective way to produce change in a hurting or disturbed child. Play is a method of escaping into a world that is created by the child to be exactly the type of environment which is needed at a particular point in that child’s development.

The world of play needs to be one where the child feels safe. When a child feels secure then he or she will feel free to explore in many areas and act out his or her feelings. As Dibs in Search of Self portrays, this is what the whole principle of play therapy is based. When a child feels safe to play, then this world of play is a place in which a child can be whomever he or she wants.

In order to be effective in producing change in a hurting or disturbed child, one must allow a child to be him or herself. This may sound simplistic, but allow a child to be a child. Do not place unrealistic or demanding expectations upon a child. Do not expect perfection. Most importantly do not live your life vicariously through a child. Let a child develop into whoever he or she wants to become. It is necessary for a child to have direction in his or her life, however do not do so to the extent that the child has no control over the outcome of the destination. So, by allowing a child to play in a safe environment where he or she feels comfortable to be one’s true self, in my opinion, would be the most effective way to produce change in a hurting or disturbed child.

Dibs in Search of Self is a highly inspirational and motivational reading. It provides the reader with a sense of hope that change can take place in a hurting child. What spoke the loudest was the power of play. For me personally, it was very emotional to read how a child could be so unloved and unwanted (p. 86) and have to exist in spite of the fact. Children are innocent realities and should not have to encounter such emotional hardship as Dibs did. I found Dibs’ emotional strength remarkable. Even the greatest emotional hardship, such as those that Dibs encountered, can be dealt with through play.

There were many factors that led to the change in Dibs. First and foremost was the emotional strength that Dibs possessed within. Also, among the top of the list were people such as Hedda who was “convinced he’s on the verge of coming through”(p. 19), Jake who gave Dibs a simple branch from a tree (p. 116) or Dibs’ Grandmother who was able to devote herself to spending time with him. Dibs had people who cared about him and took an interest in him even though his mother and father almost gave up hope completely and wanted to resort to placing a label on him. However, Dibs’ mother and father did not lose hope. Dibs had parents who were willing to change and admit their failures (p. 90). This was an essential element that was needed for the change in Dibs to occur. After Dibs’ mother allowed him to attend play therapy, he was introduced to a therapist that saw beyond the opinions of highly educated parents. The play therapy experience allowed Dibs to be introduced to a whole new type of environment in which he was able to take control and the environment was one in which he was not always expected to be perfect.

What allowed Dibs to change was this new world. This world was a safe world. One in which the doors were only locked if he locked them. It was a world where he was able to work through his problems with play. He could associate his feelings with colors (p. 128) and did not have to verbally work out his feelings. Dibs was able to change due to the change that came from within. This was accomplished through the unobtrusive, non probing, nondirective techniques of the author (p. 45).
Most significant to the process behind the change in Dibs, in my opinion, was that play therapy provided the means where Dibs could act through his real world in a safe environment where he was able to bury the old Dibs and allow the strong and brave Dibs to be resurrected (p. 200). Dibs learned to understand his feelings and the feelings of others. He was able to gain emotional independence, which was one of the main objectives of the author (p. 31). Most importantly Dibs gained confidence in himself. This confidence was what allowed the real self to emerge.

After reading the story of Dibs, I have gained a better appreciation for the use of nondirective therapy and the role of the therapist as a somewhat neutral party. The author was able to provide a place for exploration without instructions and without rules. This, I feel, allowed Dibs to be his true self and to work out his inner conflicts. By being a neutral party, the author allowed the opinion of Dibs to be most important. I feel that reading this book has allowed me to understand the importance of being unobtrusive and not being the therapist that has all the answers. I highly respect the author’s statement that therapy should not become the “predominant and controlling influence” in one’s life (p. 58). I feel that it is important as a child therapist that one learns how not to become over involved with the client so that the client does not begin to gain a dependency upon the therapist. This book has challenged me to be more nondirective and in using this approach I will be able to allow the child to find the solutions from within and not to become dependant upon others.

Epilogue:
The first years of development are crucial to the proper development of a child. I feel that parents need to be educated concerning this fact and especially concerning the importance of a child’s need for affection. I feel that it is also crucial that parents understand the necessity of play in a child’s life, not only solitary play, but also interactive play between parent and child. Educating parents will hopefully serve as a preventive measure for social and emotional problems, which might arise during the development of a child. This could be a guide or roadmap for helping a child reach his or her greatest potential.

40 False Beliefs of the Church of the 21st Century

1. That Christianity is a religion and social status, rather than a personal life of holiness and relationship with God.
2. That Christians need standards and rules other than the Bible in order to live a Christian life.
3. That the divinely inspired text of the Bible needs human additions and alterations.
4. That the practices described by the Bible are not for today, as if the Bible is wrong.
5. That Christianity is religion for the weak.
6. That governments and countries are responsible for the growth and prosperity of the church.
7. That we must accept the world in order that the world accepts us.
8. That Postmodernity is Biblical teaching.
9. That the evolution theory is compatible with the Biblical teaching of the Creation.
10. That God needs our strategies, offices, plans and training based on the principles of the contemporary marketing and management in order to lead His Church like His strength has vanished.
11. That the church is successful only because of our personal participation.
12. That the personal works of righteousness are more important than the works of faith which the Word requires from us.
13. That life without sin is not possible.
14. That man has no free will, but is a subject of predetermined choice.
15. That once saved, a person is always saved regardless of the lifetime between his/her salvation and death.
16. That the Trinity is a composite of three different persons, and is not trinitarian nor monotheistic.
17. That Jesus Christ becomes the Son of God only after the incarnation.
18. That the leadership of the Holy Spirit is not needed in the church any longer.
19. That there is baptism of the Holy Spirit without speaking in other tongues.
20. That the gifts of the Holy Spirit can be practiced without a life of holiness.
21. That there is Biblical preaching without confirmation from the Holy Spirit with gifts and miracles.
22. That only elected men can preach the Gospel, as if the preaching of the Gospel is not an obligation of every believer.
23. That the Revival in the church is for a particular period of time and not a personal responsibility for every believer to live a life of revival.
24. That only because the Church does not operate under the anointing given to it, the gifts of the Holy Spirit have ceased to exist.
25. That only because we do not have personal discipline to pray and fast until God answers our prayers, He cannot do miracles as He has done before.
26. That because some prosperity teachings have over exaggerated some doctrines God does not supply needs any longer.
27. That one can change the spiritual laws and reap without having sowed.
28. That it is more blessed to receive than to give.
29. That to show mercy is an act of weakness.
30. That the minorities in the church, which form its ethnic variety, are its worst part.
31. That you can be a part of the Church without being part of the Spiritual Warfare.
32. That you can be victorious without Christ, without his sacrifice on the cross and without the power of his blood.
33. That when you are personally upset with certain people you have the right to simply leave the church.
34. That not going to church as an act of protest is an acceptable form of Christian behavior.
35. That cell groups without leadership and accountability are the apostolic model for the church.
36. That there are two kinds of Christians – layman and clergy, and that the Church must be without structure and hierarchy.
37. That there is no Rapture of the Church.
38. That the Rapture and the Second Coming are the same event.
39. That the Rapture is not before the Tribulation.
40. That the unrighteous and the ones who evidently live a life of sin will participate in the rapture of the Church and will be resurrected with the righteous dead.

Church-Split Protection Plan

The past experience with Bulgarian churches in North America has been scared by series of church splits. A true test of leadership ability is to recognize the problem before it becomes an emergency. Based on this present research, the three major problems of ministry for the Bulgarian churches in North America include: culturalization, leadership and finances. One cannot allow circumstances to mold the future. Therefore, church split modes must be foreseen with preparation that includes the following steps:
1. Give your people freedom and never use fear in leadership.
2. Allow the congregation to experience and follow God.
3. Make your environment safe for people to approach you.
4. Always take the high road as a leader.
5. Accept responsibilities and be accountable.
6. Endorse growth and multiplication as healthy and necessary.
7. Continuously promote unity and togetherness in everything.

Church-Growth Characteristics

Growth begins with investment in a process which will cause change. Churches which experience dynamic growth focus on the following important dynamics:
(1) Genuine experiences of the presence of God;
(2) High level of self-motivation;
(3) Unified vision and purpose;
(4) Clear goals;
(5) Pioneering or establishing a precedent;
(6) Finding people in the community and building relationships in the church structure;
(7) Relevance to their location and culture;
(8) Teaching activities and services designed to understand and to be understood;
(9) Encourage participation and commitment;
(10) Strong leadership;
(11) Quick to implement positive changes;
(12) Not afraid to abandon unnecessary traditional programs.

Such dynamics will draw people to your church.

The 50/20 Principle Reexamined

At the final resolution of the Biblical story of Joseph, Genesis 50:20 states “you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” This statement of God’s faithfulness to complete a vision He had given, is called the 50/20 principle.

Recently, I came by an internet article on the 50/20 principle. In its development, the author brought a series of exclusive facts from the life of Joseph, showing the application of the 50/20 principle in an almost-vendetta-like context. The principle was then used in an ecclesial context where it was pointed out to the reader that it will work regardless of the circumstances and with very little concern of context and intent. Such conclusion was unacceptable regardless of if it was based on a personal experience or a limited understanding of the Spirit of the Bible.

These thoughts bid me to return again to the Genesis text and to reexamine the 50/20 principle in light of the present reading. Fortunately, the 50/20 principle is much more than a vendetta against people in the church that has done us wrong. It is a principle for reconciliation and unity within the family of God. Looking closely into the Biblical text one must notice that the 50/20 principle exists only in a particular context clearly described by the author of Genesis. This context consists of two other principle, which I will call the 50/19 and 50/21 principles. The following five conclusions then could be made by reading Genesis 50:19-21 and considering the context of the 50/20 principle:

1. Corporative Application: The 50/20 principle is not about one person alone. In other words, it was not God’s personal vendetta on Joseph’s behalf to bring Jacob’s sons before him in humility. God had a much higher plan. He intended to preserve the Hebrew nation in Egypt in the seasons of famine until the time of the Exodus. For this very reason Joseph had to suffer and what his brothers did was an undividable part from the plan God had for his life. Similarly, Christ suffered on our behalf and His suffering and crucifixion was the very plan of God for our redemption. Yes, suffering is bad, but it is redemptive and God uses it to bring us closer to him. Once we recognize this Biblical truth, we will never have to vindictively ask God to punish the ones who do wrong against us.

2. Context Application: The 50/20 principle cannot exist without the 50/19 and the 50/21 principles regardless of the interpretation which is applied to the text. The 50/20 principle was simple meant to exist that way – together with 50/19 and 50/21 and never separate from them.

3. Pre-text Application: The pre-text application is included in the 50/19 principle (Genesis 50:19). The 50/19 principle is an “against-control” principle. It requires that we let go and let God. The 50/20 principle can be applied only after the 50/19 principle has been put in action. In other words, we cannot attempt to control the situation and expect God to protect us. He will only do so, after we admit that it is not our battle and it is not in our power alone to bring His plan for our lives to reality.

4. Unity Application: The 50/20 principle is about forgiveness – not vengeance. God applies it in our lives only when we are ready to forgive and reconcile with others. Holding grudges and desiring or attempting personal vengeance only disables the 50/20 principle.

5. Post-text Application: The post-text application is included in the 50/21 principle (Genesis 50:21). It clearly shows that the 50/20 principle is about keeping forgiveness between the people thus bringing continuous (not momentous) unity in the community.

In conclusion, the 50/20 principle has nothing to do with the ego and everything to do with the ego-sacrifice. It is not that through this principle God brings revenge for our pain and suffering, but He uses them to bring His corporative plan for the whole ecclesial community into reality. Once having realized that, we will look at the wrong doing of others and at our personal suffering in a different way. And perhaps, we will look at the suffering of others cause by us in a different way as well …

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