10 Guidelines for Effective Church Group Chat Communication

by Kathryn Donev, LPC-MHSP, NCC

Interacting in church chat groups can be a bit complex at times and a touchy topic to discuss.  Navigating in this realm requires respect and kindness to foster a healthy environment. The following are some key guidelines for virtual etiquette tailored to a church community setting.

1. Be Christ like. Use language that is kind and humble. Avoid offensive comments or being judgmental. This requires being sensitive and thinking before you shoot out a text. Debating over a chat is probably not going to be productive so it’s best just to avoid it altogether. Being misinterpreted can happen faster in a distant space where you cannot base comments on interpersonal dynamics like facial expressions, voice tone, or eye contact.
2. Stay on topic to relative events like prayer requests, encouragement or updates on church happenings. Perhaps shy away from politics and don’t disguise prayer requests as a way to share gossip or to promote your social status by being the first to share the news. Microaggression has no place in church chat groups.  Examples include, “Who let you in the group?”, “What were you thinking?”, “I can’t believe you said that?”
3. Understand that written language can be quickly misunderstood. It is a good practice to avoid all cap text which can be viewed as shouting or being demanding. Avoid phrases that are pushy like “do this now” or “you have to”.  And excessive emojis use may distract from the message and can also cause confusion. It is very important to remember that humor is relative, especially in text form. Also, avoid mentioning individuals in a way that might make them uncomfortable. This may include singling a person out or calling them an unkind name.  Something that you may think is funny or no big deal may come off as rude.  Like calling one who likes to shop economically a “Thrifting Queen” or labels like “Moncho Man” may separate a person apart from group.
4. Always respect privacy and confidentiality. Do not share personal prayer requests or sensitive information outside the group without permission. And if someone shares with you personally a concern, don’t go blast it in the group. If that person wants to share, they can do it on their own.  Boundaries are easily blurred in a chat setting, but they still must exist to avoid group tension. If unsure, privately ask before sharing other’s requests publicly in the chat.
5. Acknowledge and encourage those who are sharing. Respond to prayer requests or shared testimonies with supportive replies, such as “Praying” or “Thanks for sharing!” Ignoring messages can be viewed as abandonment or unconcern.  And be sure to not play favorites in the group by over acknowledging one person’s comments over another.  If you typically just give a thumbs up emoji, then do so across the board.  A simple acknowledgment can also squash out paranoia that a concern has not been seen or understood.
6. Be sensitive to the time of the day when you post. Avoid posting late at night or during inappropriate hours unless it’s truly an urgent prayer request.
7. Think before you send messages. Double check what you write for clarity and typos before sending to avoid mix-ups. Also, think twice whether sharing information is a good idea or not. Some things might need to be shared at a latter time after confirming details or perhaps they need to be shared at an intimate family level before with a group.
8. Try not to overload the chat. Refrain from sending multiple back-to-back messages thinking that they are not being seen. It is also a good practice to limit sharing lengthy posts that may overwhelm the group. People’s time is valuable so to overwhelm with pointless texts is disrespectful and could cause some to leave the group.  It’s also good practice not to use a church chat group just because you are bored.
9. Resolve conflicts privately.  If disagreements arise, address them respectfully outside of the group preferably in person.  If needed seek guidance from a group leader or pastor to maintain peace.
10. Perhaps the most important aspect of using church chats is to always be mindful of the dynamics associated with non-face-to-face interactions in a virtual realm. And just because you put a smiley emoji or LOL at the end of something doesn’t make an inappropriate comment acceptable. Again, humor is relative and quickly misinterpreted.